The worst part is that I know helped in the destruction of whatever little faith she had in the world… It made me absolutely sick becaause I knew what it was once like to be in that situation, what it was like to be hose very shoes and out f selfishness I know I let her down. I destroyed her… well I can’t completely take credit for that but I know I was probably the last straw for her….and I’m so sorry for that I know that it probably won’t fix anything. I know it won’t fix anything but maybe just the fact that I could finally say those words will help you move on. You were very loved by me. You really were a little sister to me and I couldn’t care about anyone else that much as I did for you. You really did grown to be family to me. Unfortunately that came to an end for someone that meant something to the both of us.I should’ve let him go even though it would’ve costed me another chance of happiness. I sacrificed so much for so many different people that I just didn’t see how selfish I actually was at that moment in life. Anyone else could’ve done that to you and you would’ve gotten out of it just fine but the fact that I did it was what made you hurt so much today. Nothing I say or do will make any of it better but this is just an attempt. Maybe you will never see this, maybe you will. I hope you do and when you do that you look at this with older, wiser, more mature eyes than you would’ve a year ago. I love you little one and a part of me always will because I don’t forget those who loved me as you did.
You’ll never know this but I’m always going to miss you… Even though we talk and you listen, I miss my memories of when you were gentle, when you’d kiss me, do your nom noms…haha :) I kindly look back on these memories and I miss you so much. I wish I didn’t have this sickness. I wish I didn’t have this disease…this insect in my head, I wish I could rip it out. I wish you wouldn’t have left. I miss you so very much but it doesn’t really matter, does it?
But the girl you left behind doesn’t exist anymore, because the truth is that I left her behind too, and you can’t go back. What you’re looking for isn’t here anymore, we’ve all had to change.
I relate to this all too well..
Has it ever felt like it just runs through you?
It’s a rush.
Like rush of water.
Running through your veins.
Running through your brain.
What can you do?…
That’s the most terrible thing about it.
It’s the most devastating.
It’s the most horrifying.
You can’t hear anything through water.
Just a couple of muffled sounds.
You feel your body weighed down.
Too much makes you feel like your suffocating.
It’s not just water that feels this way but also…
Feelings of suicide…